


Can I Be Your Terrible Boyfriend?

by Drvivc (Fight_Surrender)



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Drabble, M/M, POV Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, The Terrible Boyfriend scene from Baz's POV, chapter 67
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2020-03-20 01:32:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18982474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fight_Surrender/pseuds/Drvivc
Summary: What was going through Baz's head when Simon asked if he could be his terrible boyfriend?





	Can I Be Your Terrible Boyfriend?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tbazzsnow (Artescapri)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Artescapri/gifts).



> I was listening to Carry On for about the fifth time last week, and I couldn't help but wonder what Baz was thinking during that lovely scene where Simon pours his heart out to him, the way only Simon can. 
> 
> The resultant ficlet is my birthday gift to @tbazzsnow . You are amazing, and kind and strong and talented and I'm so honored and happy to be your friend. <3

**Baz**

He came back.

Willingly.

Simon Snow is in _my_ grey suit, holding a pair of _my_ pyjamas, sitting next to me on _my_ bed.

Crowley, I’ve moved beyond charmed life into alternate universe. How can this be real?

“I’m not a very good boyfriend,” Simon murmurs, looking at the floor.

Ah. Not real then.

Of course not. On what planet would I actually deserve Simon Snow?

“I understand, Snow. Trust me. I’m not planning our next mini break. Your secret’s safe with me.”

I feel a hot wave of shame wash over me. What was this to him, just a mindless teen makeout session? There’s a steel band constricting my heart, It’s hard to breathe. Why the fuck am I thinking about my heart? I should just kill him to put me out of my misery.

“No,” he says. I feel the bed rustle as he shifts position.

I close my eyes. They’re prickling like I want to fucking cry. I’m not going to cry. Why the fuck did I let myself think this was actually going to work out? I let myself feel happy for once. Simon Snow came back for me.

Fuck happy. Pitches don’t do happy.

In the throat. That’s where I’m going to bite him.

He’s yammering on about Agatha. I’m not sure I can make it through this conversation. Maybe I’ll finish what my mother started and **Tyger Tyger** myself into oblivion; and then he can ride off into the sunset with his golden bride after his brief experiment with homosexuality.

I feel the bed move again, he’s so fucking earnest. He’s blustering, just a little. His voice is brass and honey.

“And I know that you think we’re doomed—Romeo and Juliet style.” Simon says.

“Completely.” I respond.

Does death by vampire evisceration count as Romeo and Juliet style? Actually, it’s perfect; I’ll drain him dry, then the Mage will take me out. A perfect Shakespearean ending. I’ll add an epic monologue professing my love for him in iambic pentameter, just before I finish him off.

He’s sitting sideways now. I can feel his unremarkable blue eyes boring into my profile.

I will not look into them. Whatever he’s got to say, I wish he would just spit it out. What _is_ he trying to say? I can’t take much more of this.

“I like this,” he goes on, “all of this that we’ve been doing.”

Well, I’m so glad this has been entertaining for you. Now leave.

“I like _you_ ,” he says.

Wait. What’s happening here? What is this imbecile going on about?

He likes helping me? He likes knowing that I’m okay? He thought he was going to lose his mind when I was away in that bloody coffin? I’m not hearing this right. Is he fucking with me?

“I missed you.” Simon admits.

 _He_ missed _me?_ He looked like hammered shit when I got back to Watford because he _missed_ me? Clearly he’s a moron.

“I still want this, if you’ll let me have it.” Simon whispers.

“What’s _this_ , Snow?” I snap.

I feel like I’m floating. Like I’m inhabiting this space, but also observing it from far away. I’ve finally allowed myself to glimpse at him. With his tawny skin and his moles, looking far too stunning in my grey suit. I’m going to make him say it. What does Simon Snow want with a dead vampire? His sworn enemy. The bane of his existence.

“ _This_ ,” he says. “I want to be your boyfriend. Your terrible--boyfriend.

I cock an eyebrow and stare at him.

Because I can. Because I’m going to give myself this moment.

Simon Snow wants to be my boyfriend.

Crowley, I _am_ living a charmed life.

 


End file.
